1
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:10,356
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

2
00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:13,581
KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.

3
00:00:34,686 --> 00:00:36,376
And now your host,

4
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:39,997
Martin Lawrence!

5
00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:49,572
Sup?AUDIENCE: Whassup.

6
00:00:49,614 --> 00:00:51,884
Whassup, motherfuckers?AUDIENCE: Whassup!

7
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,840
Man, take them goddamn
glasses off in here, motherfucker.

8
00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:00,321
You ain't that cool.

9
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,110
Look at this brother here...

10
00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:07,461
God damn! When are
we gonna learn?

11
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:11,072
Why did you wear
that Tom Sawyer-ass hat in this motherfucker, man?

12
00:01:14,857 --> 00:01:16,947
The black Tom Sawyer and shit.

13
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What the fuck
are you? A pimp

14
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that ain't have enough
money to get another kind of hat, man?

15
00:01:28,653 --> 00:01:30,663
Nah, I'm just saying, man!

16
00:01:30,699 --> 00:01:33,139
You my motherfucker
though, man. Don't be doing that, man.

17
00:01:36,748 --> 00:01:39,138
How y'all feel?AUDIENCE: All right!

18
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:42,146
Good, thank you for
coming out and with my man,

19
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:44,149
give him a round of
applause, Kid Capri.

20
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,281
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

21
00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:46,852
Always doing his thing.

22
00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:52,195
Damn. How old are you?

23
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,774
Oh, okay, 18.

24
00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:58,471
They can't take me
to jail for that, can they?

25
00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:00,769
Right? I mean, I'll see
you a little later.

26
00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:06,044
But some... Hey, you know
some little young girls, you know,

27
00:02:06,082 --> 00:02:09,262
you can get locked up
for that shit. Look at my boy Mike.

28
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Mike... I know Mike.
Mike, I love you, man.

29
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I miss the fuck out of Mike.

30
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:15,958
Now, I ain't fucking with
Mike because he, you know, he getting out.

31
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,100
[IMITATING MIKE TYSON]
"Come here, what's that shit you say to me?"

32
00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:24,014
Man!

33
00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:25,796
I ain't fucking
with you, Mike.

34
00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:27,321
Peace, you my boy.

35
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:31,147
[STAMMERS]

36
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:33,154
Mike, man. Mike is one of
them brothers, man, that,

37
00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:36,976
fuck, you hit that
motherfucker, you start crying.

38
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'Cause you nervous,
you know what's coming to your ass.

39
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:43,120
I mean, don't get brave
and swing on his ass and miss.

40
00:02:44,425 --> 00:02:45,425
[CRYING]

41
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:47,603
"God damn.

42
00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:51,911
"I got a lot on
my mind right now.

43
00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,524
"My dog just died."

44
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:56,314
I would kill myself
if I had to fight Mike,

45
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,090
I would just kill myself.

46
00:02:58,134 --> 00:03:00,924
I think we're in that state
of mind right now, you know,

47
00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:04,363
'cause shit is fucked up,
you know?

48
00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:07,061
Brothers kill me
when they talk about killing theirselves.

49
00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:08,749
If you wanna die,

50
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,487
don't feel like you
gotta be a hero,

51
00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:12,708
die like a hero,
like a brave man.

52
00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:16,407
Because brother be
jumping out 10-feet-ass buildings and all that shit.

53
00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:18,197
Uh, pow! You know?

54
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:21,771
If I die, I'm dying
like a little bitch.

55
00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:25,860
With some pills and some
motherfucking socks on my feet.

56
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,650
"The pressure was a bitch."

57
00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:39,305
That's how I'm going, man.

58
00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:41,399
Because what if you jump,
you know what I'm saying?

59
00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:43,918
Pow! And you don't die?

60
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:46,012
Then you at the club
and shit like this.

61
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:57,800
You know what I'm saying?

62
00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:03,808
So don't be out there
killing yourselves.

63
00:04:03,852 --> 00:04:06,642
Coming to the stage,
this is my man from my hometown,

64
00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:09,731
you know what I'm saying,
we used to work together a lot when I first started.

65
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:12,211
And if you're in the front
row, watch your asses,

66
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,432
because I know you're
gonna enjoy him.

67
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:15,040
Give it up for my man,
Kevin Lee.

68
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,130
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING][MUSIC PLAYING]

69
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:25,870
Oh. Give it up for
Martin Lawrence, my homeboy from DC!

70
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:28,877
Good friend of mine,
real good friend of mine, give it up for his ass.

71
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,970
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

72
00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:45,592
Got arrested,
messing with hitchhikers,

73
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:48,033
cruising up from DC,
my hometown.

74
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:50,030
Messing with hitchhikers.
Saw a hitchhiker on 95.

75
00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:52,682
Now, you gotta
try this shit. Next time you see a hitchhiker,

76
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:54,987
you wanna fuck with him,
get some of these glasses right here, right?

77
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:56,513
Put this on, just like this.

78
00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:57,857
This is cool, put this
shit on, just like this.

79
00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:06,044
Pull up to his ass
and scare the shit out of him, right?

80
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,738
[IMITATES BRAKES]
"Hey, buddy, you want a ride?"

81
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:19,136
Be careful, man. I did
that shit in San Francisco, a dude hopped in, man.

82
00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:22,633
And this is why
I got arrested.

83
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,450
I'm cruising down 95,
I'm jamming to some music,

84
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:26,198
LL Cool J on the box,
I'm cruising.

85
00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:28,628
I forgot I had this
shit on, right?

86
00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:31,766
Cop pulled up next to me,
looked over at my car. I'm jamming.

87
00:05:31,809 --> 00:05:33,199
I looked over at his car.

88
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:39,861
He pulled my ass over.
I pissed him off.

89
00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:41,954
I walked up to his car...

90
00:05:41,993 --> 00:05:43,393
He walked up to my car,
he said, "Excuse me, boy, you drinking?"

91
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:44,650
I said, "I don't know,
man, you buying?"

92
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:51,220
I got to keep this on,
man, it looks stupid as shit, man.

93
00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:53,093
I want to try something
here. I need somebody to help me out.

94
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,175
You, what's your name, man?

95
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,314
Hold that apple, man.
Good catch, man. Don't drop that shit, man.

96
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,577
All right, now.

97
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:01,670
Don't drop that shit.
Gotta just see who we got out in the audience here.

98
00:06:02,623 --> 00:06:04,583
Damn. [CHUCKLES]

99
00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,095
Crazy shit. See,
I wasn't always a comic.

100
00:06:06,148 --> 00:06:08,238
I got to show you
a quick impression.

101
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,810
What I used to do for
a living before I became a stand-up comedian.

102
00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:14,164
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

103
00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:28,259
Y'all got some
fucked-up seats, man.

104
00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,569
We'll make this
shit really difficult.

105
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:33,959
All right, man, what
I want you to do here.

106
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:36,962
Bowling ball,
ginsu knife, apple.

107
00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:39,825
What I want you do is,
I want you to toss me the apple.

108
00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:42,528
No.

109
00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:46,486
He threw it at my dick
and shit, man.

110
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,282
All right, man. Let's
try this shit again, man.

111
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:53,153
All right, let's trade.
Let's give it to you, baby, how you doing?

112
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:55,455
Hold the apple.
Ready for this? All right, here we go.

113
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:58,072
I want you to toss
me the apple.

114
00:06:58,113 --> 00:06:59,643
Now?No, next fucking week.

115
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,380
Yeah, now!
What the hell? Duh!

116
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:09,038
All right, I want you
to toss me the apple.

117
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,130
Now on the count
of three. Oh, shit.

118
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:15,167
See y'all all nervous
and shit about this juggling shit.

119
00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:17,127
Man, I know what
I'm doing here.

120
00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:19,695
I'm a professional,
there's no danger involved, I know what I'm doing.

121
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:31,492
Everything under control.

122
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,018
Here we go, one.

123
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:34,761
Take the stem out so
I don't fuck myself up.

124
00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:37,022
All right, here we go, one...

125
00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:41,585
Two. Holy shit, whoa!
Got it going. All right! Whoo!

126
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:45,603
All right.

127
00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:49,599
All right. All right.
What's your name, baby? What's your name?

128
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:50,993
T.J.What?

129
00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:52,425
T.J.All right,
check this out, T.J.

130
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,692
Juggling and eating
the apple.

131
00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:56,165
And all you got to do,
T.J, is reach in

132
00:07:56,214 --> 00:07:57,614
and bite the red fucking
object, all right?

133
00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,091
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

134
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,047
You bite that bowling ball,
you're going to be fucked up.

135
00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:06,182
All right, here we go.

136
00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:07,494
Won't have no teeth,
look like you're from West Virginia and shit.

137
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:09,580
All right, here we go.

138
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,229
All right. Eating the apple.
I can do this shit. Eating the apple.

139
00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:15,018
Damn, it's fucking windy
in here. All right, here we go.

140
00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:18,668
Eating the apple.

141
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:21,495
That's the apple.
That's the apple.

142
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:25,114
That's the apple. All right.

143
00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:30,732
Fucking bowling ball.
Okay. Whoa!

144
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:32,821
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

145
00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:36,297
Thank you.

146
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:44,306
[MUMBLING]

147
00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:53,403
Oh.

148
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:55,535
Here's something right here,
quick impression. Homosexual juggling.

149
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,411
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

150
00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:04,669
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

151
00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:10,773
We gonna go out kind of
funky here, folks.

152
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,771
Show y'all something.
Don't try this at home, y'all.

153
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,513
I'mma eat the fire here.

154
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,564
By the way folks, if you
eat fire, you shit fire, all right?

155
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:19,599
So don't try this, man.
Walk around with fire jumping out your ass. Ahhh!

156
00:09:19,646 --> 00:09:21,596
So don't try this shit...
Watch out for those Jheri curls, too.

157
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,908
All right, here we go,
check this out.

158
00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:26,574
Argh, shit! That was stupid.

159
00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:28,869
Let's do this right.
Kid Capri?

160
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:31,526
Hook it up for me.
Pump the music! Let's do this.

161
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,271
Everybody wave a hand
in the air like this.

162
00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:35,401
Everybody. Check it out,
here we go.

163
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:37,194
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS]

164
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:43,578
Peace, New York,
I'm out of here. Thank you, good night!

165
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,586
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

166
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:02,425
Yo, give Kevin Lee
a round of applause.

167
00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:04,471
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

168
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,353
You think he brung
enough shit with him?

169
00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:11,570
Kevin! Clean this
goddamn stage up, man.

170
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:16,353
This is what you
should go to a job,

171
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,438
when you go to interviews
and see white people.

172
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,398
"Well, I'm just out of
law school, yeah.

173
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:27,095
"I wonder if you could
let me know if I got the job today?"

174
00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,590
Ahhh!

175
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:35,071
Okay. Yo, coming to
the stage is my girl.

176
00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:38,292
I mean, y'all know
who I'm getting ready to bring out.

177
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:41,473
I think she's one of
the baddest female comics out there.

178
00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:43,900
I love her, and when
I say "my girl," we're not fucking,

179
00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:45,987
but we're gonna get to that.

180
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:49,206
Y'all give it up for
my baby, Adele Givens.

181
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:51,297
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

182
00:11:05,099 --> 00:11:07,059
Whassup?[AUDIENCE SHOUTS]

183
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:09,361
I said whassup,
God damn it.

184
00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:14,056
Talk to a fucking
lady tonight.

185
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:16,368
Give it up for my man,
Kid Capri, y'all.

186
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:18,554
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

187
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:21,897
That's a big man, ain't he?

188
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:24,292
I guess I like big things
'cause I grew up poor.

189
00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:26,245
How many of y'all
grew up poor?

190
00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:29,734
Oh, rich motherfuckers
here! Yeah, right.

191
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:31,906
I lived in the ghetto,
I'm from the west side of Chicago,

192
00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:33,742
and I grew up poor.
But I ain't mad, I'm glad,

193
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:36,390
because that taught me
to use my creative skill.

194
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:38,264
'Cause when you're poor,
you don't get games and toys,

195
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:39,696
so you have to create games.

196
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:41,742
We made shit up.
Shit like "it."

197
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,828
What the fuck is "it?"

198
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:46,487
You run up to somebody,
touch him and he it.

199
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:48,931
You didn't have
shit in your hand.

200
00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:50,619
You just run up,
"You it."

201
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,276
And they think
they it. "Damn."

202
00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:57,024
Now I don't want y'all
to get "it" confused with tag.

203
00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:59,984
Tag was a different game
that we played in the ghetto.

204
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:02,633
Tag was a game what
we played at the mall.

205
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:05,548
You know, where you go
the mall, you see some shit you like.

206
00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:08,954
You notice that
the price is way too fucking high.

207
00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:12,039
You find the tag appropriate
to your financial needs.

208
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:14,079
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

209
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:18,297
Oh, rich people
play it too, huh?

210
00:12:18,346 --> 00:12:21,736
You get past security,
you won. Y'all know the game.

211
00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:23,794
When you're poor,
you learn to economize.

212
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:27,140
I didn't know
what a dustpan was till I was 18 years old.

213
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:28,881
When you're poor,
you sweep that trash,

214
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:31,362
and you get a fucking
album cover.

215
00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:34,712
Piece of mail, you know,
whatever you can find.

216
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,104
And when you're finished
with that mustard, jelly or mayonnaise,

217
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:38,927
don't you throw that
damn good glass away.

218
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:43,626
Put that shit in
the sink, let it soak.

219
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,765
Company come over,
want some water, bam!

220
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,718
Sixteen ounces,
ice cold, God damn.

221
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:51,990
Oh, you learn
when you're poor.

222
00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:54,032
And we had that
standard ghetto TV.

223
00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:56,817
You know, that one that
you use the pliers to turn the channel.

224
00:12:56,863 --> 00:13:00,613
The coat hanger is
the antenna, you know the one I'm talking about.

225
00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:03,259
I'm glad I watched
television. It was stupid, it's stupid now.

226
00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:06,264
A lot of commercials that
you look at, if you just think about it.

227
00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:08,177
We're poor, but
we ain't stupid.

228
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:11,232
We don't act like
the bitches you see on those feminine product ads.

229
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:13,708
You know, the tampon
happy bitch.

230
00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:15,929
We don't act like
that in real life.

231
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,839
They just stereo...
She come out there all happy with that box, you know,

232
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,494
'cause it's that time.

233
00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:22,497
"It's almost time."

234
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:25,890
You ain't never seen
a woman happy to get her period!

235
00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:29,845
Unless she forgot to take
that birth control pill or something like that.

236
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,676
They know I ain't lying,
ladies know.

237
00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:33,333
If their period late
and you didn't take that pill,

238
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,507
you will throw a search
party for that motherfucker.

239
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:39,428
I'm not lying.

240
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:41,860
Look, that shit will be
on milk cartons.

241
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:45,128
"Have you seen this, man?"

242
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:47,262
You'll walk up and down
the street to the bus stop, talking about,

243
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:49,574
"Excuse me, have
you seen my period?

244
00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:51,051
"If you see it, would
you send it to me?

245
00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:53,531
"It's late and I'm getting
worried about it."

246
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:55,311
But on TV, they so happy!

247
00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:57,226
That's bullshit, they come
out there and they get active.

248
00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:59,531
That's what make me mad,
they want to do some shit now.

249
00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:01,407
She done laid down all month,

250
00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:03,839
and now that it's time,
she wanna do something.

251
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:08,626
"I went skiing, swimming,
horseback riding. It's just a regular day!"

252
00:14:08,673 --> 00:14:10,283
Bullshit!

253
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:12,287
The last thing you wanna
do with a tampon on

254
00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:14,069
is get your ass on a horse
and go horseback riding,

255
00:14:14,114 --> 00:14:15,464
you know what I'm
saying right here?

256
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:19,164
And you don't
wanna go swimming,

257
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:20,596
'cause that string gonna
be behind you and everybody notice!

258
00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:22,642
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

259
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:30,614
I am such a fucking
lady, yes, I am.

260
00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:31,962
I hate those stereotypes,

261
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,571
we got to get rid
of them dumb women.

262
00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:35,611
And I hate that douche
commercial. Y'all seen it,

263
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:37,437
where the lady is
sitting at the table with her mother.

264
00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:39,695
She look like she about
30, her mother about 45.

265
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:43,358
She looks over at her
mother and goes, "Mom, do you douche?"

266
00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:46,624
Her mother should have said,
"Hell, yeah, stinking bitch, don't you?"

267
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:47,888
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

268
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:56,721
You mean to tell me
I been running around here mopping,

269
00:14:56,765 --> 00:14:58,285
putting down Pine-Sol
and that's been your

270
00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:01,732
stinking ass
all these years?

271
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:03,990
Walking around here,
smelling like you need an autopsy,

272
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:05,173
what's wrong with you?

273
00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:13,296
I am such a fucking
lady, yes, I am.

274
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:16,177
Stupid shit is all.
That's why I like female rappers,

275
00:15:16,219 --> 00:15:18,349
'cause they say what
the fuck they want to say.

276
00:15:18,395 --> 00:15:21,955
I like them girls. I like
Salt-N-Pepa, y'all like them?

277
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:24,008
They say what they mean,
they mean what they say.

278
00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:26,493
They ass getting fat too,
ain't they?

279
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:30,104
They ain't Salt-N-Pepa
no more, they Meat-N-Potatoes now, God damn it.

280
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:32,146
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

281
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:35,886
I like them! I like
rappers in general.

282
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,065
You got to give it up
for them brothers.

283
00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:39,160
They creative,
they sound good.

284
00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:42,069
Most of them look good...

285
00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:44,195
But some of them uglier
than a motherfucker.

286
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:47,247
I'm sorry. I ain't
gonna name no names, but Flavor Flav.

287
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:52,165
Hey, I didn't make him,
I just saw his ass.

288
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:54,822
Why does he look like
a fucking science project?

289
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,906
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

290
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:03,698
One of them men so ugly
that he look good, you ever seen one of them?

291
00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:06,225
Done did a complete
360 with ugliness.

292
00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:07,969
Because when I first
saw him I said,

293
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:11,750
"Ugh, ugh, ugh... Oh.

294
00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:15,925
"I wanna fuck him."

295
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,665
Hey, that's my time!
I enjoyed myself, New York, thanks a lot!

296
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:21,717
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

297
00:16:32,469 --> 00:16:36,169
Adele Givens is very
funny, remember that.

298
00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:40,562
Yo, keep that energy going
and welcome to the stage from Ohio,

299
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,778
give it up for
Charles Cozart.

300
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,867
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

301
00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:55,410
How's everybody doing?AUDIENCE: All right.

302
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:58,319
That's good,
'cause I'm pissed.

303
00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,845
Because I went to
pick up my personalized license plate,

304
00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:02,589
and they wouldn't
issue it to me.

305
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:04,720
They said it had
too many letters in it.

306
00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:06,942
I said, yeah, right.

307
00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:10,422
Let me ask you something.
Are there too many letters in "Kill whitey?"

308
00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:11,814
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

309
00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:25,998
Yeah, I didn't think so.

310
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,753
It's good to be back onstage.

311
00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:33,309
I been away from performing
for a while, you know. I was on vacation.

312
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:38,272
Yeah, I was in Florida.
I was in Michigan.

313
00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:39,928
And I was incarcerated.

314
00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:41,321
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

315
00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:46,281
Now, you shouldn't find that
strange because statistically,

316
00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:49,886
one out of every four
young black males has either been incarcerated

317
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:52,848
or has some type of
legal action pending against him.

318
00:17:52,897 --> 00:17:54,327
And that's what
happened to me.

319
00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:58,383
Police came up to
my house and they said,

320
00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:00,555
"Yeah, we know you
haven't done anything

321
00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:02,821
"but statistically,
we got to run you in."

322
00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,794
And I'm not good with
math, so I just went.

323
00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:19,843
[SIGHS]

324
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:22,281
I live in LA now,
and we just went through the riots.

325
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:24,148
And my neighborhood was
hit pretty hard, it was bad.

326
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:27,150
It was shooting and burning
and looting everywhere.

327
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:29,243
And it got worse after
the Rodney King verdict.

328
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:40,506
I tell you, the lingo
in the hood

329
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,254
is a lot different
than the ghetto that I came from.

330
00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:44,165
In the ghetto, we had
expressions like, "What's happening?"

331
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,430
"What it is."

332
00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:48,873
Some young brother came up
to me the other day and said, "Are you down?"

333
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:50,740
I said, "Yeah, I been
kind of depressed."

334
00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:01,398
A lot of problems in
my neighborhood, man.

335
00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:02,924
The other day,
I walked out of my house

336
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:05,057
and there was a transient
out there, a bum.

337
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:08,190
And he said he wanted change.

338
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:13,204
I said, "Hey. Can't you
just accept things the way they are?"

339
00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:15,279
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

340
00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:21,033
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

341
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:31,517
I'm trying to expand
my horizons, though.

342
00:19:31,561 --> 00:19:33,561
I'm getting out, doing
things cross-culturally.

343
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,037
Some white friends,
they been taking me around.

344
00:19:35,086 --> 00:19:37,046
They took me
bungee-cord jumping.

345
00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:40,267
You ever do that?

346
00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:42,489
Hey, it's fun,
you got to try, man.

347
00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:43,919
You got to get
used to it, especially

348
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:45,225
the part where they put
the rope around my neck.

349
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:47,271
And...[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

350
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:55,978
I was in a relationship
with a woman, though, not too long ago,

351
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:57,720
and she happened
to be white.

352
00:19:57,761 --> 00:20:01,811
And, uh, I saw Jungle Fever.
I said, "We got to talk."

353
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:05,944
I said, "Look, you know,
I really care about you,

354
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:09,377
"but I think I need a woman
who can better understand my struggle.

355
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:13,725
"I need a woman who can
better help fulfill my needs.

356
00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:16,557
"I need a rich white woman."

357
00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:18,866
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

358
00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:20,133
Thanks a lot.
That's it for me.

359
00:20:20,175 --> 00:20:22,175
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

360
00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:32,622
All right, man.

361
00:20:32,666 --> 00:20:34,616
How do y'all feel
about that, though?

362
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:36,798
Seriously. You know,
sister say...

363
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:38,244
Sisters out here...

364
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,240
[MUTTERING]

365
00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:44,683
No, I'm saying,
I didn't say I'd date them!

366
00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:47,419
[LAUGHS] I...

367
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,638
All I'm saying, hey,
I'm into my sisters.

368
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:52,985
Fuck the bullshit.

369
00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:55,044
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

370
00:20:59,432 --> 00:21:01,002
You know, I'm just
saying, though...

371
00:21:01,042 --> 00:21:02,392
[ALL LAUGHING]

372
00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:06,955
Coming to the stage,
this is my man.

373
00:21:07,004 --> 00:21:09,704
I had the pleasure of
doing a movie with him, House Party.

374
00:21:09,746 --> 00:21:12,706
He was the kid that
Robin Harris was cutting on,

375
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,489
"Boy, look at this
motherfucker with the drip-drop,

376
00:21:14,534 --> 00:21:16,104
"with the Jheri curl."

377
00:21:16,144 --> 00:21:18,284
So, ever since that movie
he's changed his shit.

378
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,060
And he's here to perform
for you, so give it up for my man,

379
00:21:21,105 --> 00:21:23,055
Anthony Johnson.

380
00:21:23,107 --> 00:21:25,147
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

381
00:21:30,637 --> 00:21:31,937
Wassup, New York?

382
00:21:33,509 --> 00:21:35,119
Y'all give it up
again for Martin.

383
00:21:35,163 --> 00:21:37,513
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

384
00:21:37,557 --> 00:21:39,467
Aw, man. I just got out
here from LA, man.

385
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:42,075
I met a girl out here,
said she was down with OPP.

386
00:21:42,126 --> 00:21:44,556
I heard women with weaves
are down with OPP.

387
00:21:44,607 --> 00:21:46,567
Because they think it means
other people's ponytail.

388
00:21:46,609 --> 00:21:48,699
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

389
00:21:50,570 --> 00:21:51,960
Man, I'm down with OPP.

390
00:21:52,006 --> 00:21:53,696
We all should be
down with OPP,

391
00:21:53,747 --> 00:21:55,357
but we ain't, 'cause
we don't know what it means.

392
00:21:55,401 --> 00:21:57,491
I'm down with OPP.
When a girl try to give me some pussy

393
00:21:57,533 --> 00:21:59,413
and I think something
wrong with it, that's when I be down with OPP,

394
00:21:59,448 --> 00:22:01,278
which mean, "Oh,
please, put it away."

395
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,320
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

396
00:22:09,545 --> 00:22:10,885
That's right.

397
00:22:10,938 --> 00:22:13,068
And I love doing comedy,
man, this shit is fun.

398
00:22:13,114 --> 00:22:15,384
I wouldn't do nothing else.
If I was something else, I'd be a rapper.

399
00:22:15,421 --> 00:22:16,731
'Cause you don't need
that much to be a rapper

400
00:22:16,770 --> 00:22:19,690
but a fucking Jheri curl
and a coat.

401
00:22:19,729 --> 00:22:21,299
But don't get me wrong,
I love rappers, man.

402
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,430
I love the steps,
the beat, the lyrics.

403
00:22:23,472 --> 00:22:25,392
What I like most about
a rapper, though, is the names they be having.

404
00:22:25,431 --> 00:22:26,911
And I looked into
the shit, and I found out

405
00:22:26,954 --> 00:22:28,964
that a rapper name is
simply how he living.

406
00:22:28,999 --> 00:22:31,259
Like Ice Cube. He call
hisself Ice Cube because the boy's cold.

407
00:22:31,306 --> 00:22:32,786
Hammer calls himself Hammer
because he hitting hard.

408
00:22:32,829 --> 00:22:34,829
Heavy D 'cause he big.

409
00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:36,135
And if I was a rapper
and I named myself on how I was living,

410
00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:37,880
my name would be
MC Broke-As-Fuck.

411
00:22:37,921 --> 00:22:39,841
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

412
00:22:41,185 --> 00:22:44,795
I'd have a DJ named
DJ Doing Bad.

413
00:22:44,841 --> 00:22:49,411
Two motherfucking dancers,
Hard Time and To The Curb.

414
00:22:49,455 --> 00:22:51,755
But I couldn't get up here
and lie like them other rappers be doing,

415
00:22:51,805 --> 00:22:54,805
be talking about shit
I ain't got. I got to rap about shit I know about.

416
00:22:54,851 --> 00:22:57,071
I be rapping about
shit like free cheese,

417
00:22:57,941 --> 00:22:59,771
motherfucking welfare.

418
00:22:59,813 --> 00:23:01,733
And my number one
song would be

419
00:23:01,771 --> 00:23:03,601
the proper way to catch
a bus, with or without a transfer.

420
00:23:08,778 --> 00:23:11,428
Fellas, I went to jail.
Y'all got warrants, you better pay them.

421
00:23:11,477 --> 00:23:13,957
Because they locking
motherfuckers up for tickets, serious.

422
00:23:14,001 --> 00:23:16,051
They put me in jail, man,
for a ticket.

423
00:23:16,090 --> 00:23:18,610
And they put me in a cell
with brothers had like 50 and 60 years.

424
00:23:18,658 --> 00:23:21,618
I was in there for a ticket,
that's three days' time served.

425
00:23:21,661 --> 00:23:23,051
And it was two big,
buff brothers in there,

426
00:23:23,097 --> 00:23:25,097
bothering everybody
in the cell, too.

427
00:23:25,142 --> 00:23:27,102
Except this one dude,
they asked him, "What you in here for?"

428
00:23:27,144 --> 00:23:28,934
He turned around,
looked at them real slow, he said, "Look.

429
00:23:28,972 --> 00:23:31,802
"Now I done killed
one motherfucker.

430
00:23:31,845 --> 00:23:33,845
"And God damn it,
don't make me kill again,

431
00:23:33,890 --> 00:23:35,760
"because I don't mind
doing it."

432
00:23:35,805 --> 00:23:37,625
They left that
motherfucker alone.

433
00:23:37,677 --> 00:23:39,237
I seen this shit, I said,
"Damn. I got to do something

434
00:23:39,287 --> 00:23:41,327
"make my ticket sound like
I done something bad."

435
00:23:41,376 --> 00:23:43,246
So they asked me, they said,
"Little man, what you in here for?"

436
00:23:43,291 --> 00:23:43,941
I turned around, looked
at them real slow, I said, "Look,

437
00:23:43,987 --> 00:23:45,207
"motherfucker.

438
00:23:46,642 --> 00:23:49,732
"Now, I done ran
one stop light.

439
00:23:49,776 --> 00:23:51,726
"And God damn it,
don't make me run again."

440
00:23:51,778 --> 00:23:52,818
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

441
00:23:56,609 --> 00:23:57,609
[AUDIENCE CHANTING]

442
00:24:00,047 --> 00:24:03,047
And, fellas, y'all got
to get y'all own shit and stop leeching off women.

443
00:24:03,093 --> 00:24:05,623
You know now, all women want
niggas for is their money.

444
00:24:05,661 --> 00:24:08,011
I was talking to a girl
at the club, she stopped me right in my tracks,

445
00:24:08,055 --> 00:24:09,925
"Nigga, stop, hold,
freeze, stop.

446
00:24:09,970 --> 00:24:12,320
"Do you have money?"

447
00:24:12,363 --> 00:24:14,323
I was like, "What?"
"Do you have bucks?

448
00:24:14,365 --> 00:24:16,535
"Do you have your business?
A bank account? A Benz?

449
00:24:16,585 --> 00:24:19,495
"A blazer? Nigga,
do you got anything that start with a B?"

450
00:24:20,894 --> 00:24:22,464
I was like, "Yeah, bitch,
I got a bucket.

451
00:24:23,636 --> 00:24:26,066
"I got a bunch of bad credit.

452
00:24:26,116 --> 00:24:27,726
"Got a brand new bus pass."

453
00:24:27,770 --> 00:24:29,340
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

454
00:24:32,383 --> 00:24:34,473
And, women, y'all got to
stop lying about sex, too.

455
00:24:34,516 --> 00:24:36,516
If you're going to do
something, do it, be proud.

456
00:24:36,562 --> 00:24:38,302
Don't do it and
say you don't.

457
00:24:38,346 --> 00:24:40,476
And if you're going
to do it, be the best. Be all you can be.

458
00:24:42,219 --> 00:24:43,919
Serious, because women
lie about oral sex.

459
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,610
I heard this lady,
no shit, say

460
00:24:45,658 --> 00:24:48,098
she wouldn't suck a man dick
for four million dollars.

461
00:24:48,138 --> 00:24:51,528
Ladies, every lady in here
clap if you'll suck a man dick for four million dollars.

462
00:24:51,577 --> 00:24:54,537
[APPLAUSE]

463
00:24:54,580 --> 00:24:56,710
Now you know what?
All y'all should be clapping,

464
00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:58,976
because I know some
of y'all probably sucking dick for a Happy Meal.

465
00:24:59,019 --> 00:25:00,759
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

466
00:25:07,027 --> 00:25:10,197
Fellas! Fellas, I don't
give a fuck if you're with your wife,

467
00:25:10,247 --> 00:25:12,247
your girl, your friend.

468
00:25:12,293 --> 00:25:13,643
For four million dollars,
how many of y'all would suck a dick?

469
00:25:13,686 --> 00:25:15,426
A regular dick, not
a AIDS or a VD dick?

470
00:25:15,470 --> 00:25:18,870
Clap if you'll suck a dick
for four million dollars!

471
00:25:18,908 --> 00:25:20,738
And if y'all said,
"Yeah," cool.

472
00:25:20,780 --> 00:25:22,560
And if y'all said,
"No," y'all some lying motherfuckers.

473
00:25:22,608 --> 00:25:24,698
Because I'm not
no faggot or no shit like that,

474
00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:26,570
but for four million dollars,
man, I'll suck the skin off a dick.

475
00:25:26,612 --> 00:25:29,352
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

476
00:25:29,397 --> 00:25:32,437
A nigga got to give me
another $150,000 just to stop.

477
00:25:34,968 --> 00:25:38,148
And brothers always talking
about, "I'll do it, but what if somebody see me?"

478
00:25:38,188 --> 00:25:41,578
For all that money, I'll
suck a dick on cable TV,

479
00:25:41,627 --> 00:25:45,457
buck naked in a bow tie,
some pink pumps, a ankle bracelet,

480
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:47,590
wearing a mood ring,
holding a pet rock,

481
00:25:47,633 --> 00:25:50,723
watering a Chia Pet
and humming the lyrics of Kumbaya.

482
00:25:50,766 --> 00:25:52,766
Ayo, New York, my name's
Anthony, I'm out of here.

483
00:25:52,812 --> 00:25:54,862
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING][MUSIC PLAYING]

484
00:26:05,868 --> 00:26:08,128
Yo, give my man
Anthony a round of applause,

485
00:26:08,175 --> 00:26:10,085
give him another round of
applause, God damn.

486
00:26:10,133 --> 00:26:12,143
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

487
00:26:15,835 --> 00:26:18,445
I'm not sucking no dick.

488
00:26:18,489 --> 00:26:21,929
No matter, I'll be
a poor motherfucker.

489
00:26:23,233 --> 00:26:25,373
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

490
00:26:27,411 --> 00:26:29,811
You braver than me, boy.

491
00:26:29,849 --> 00:26:32,029
Because if I suck your
dick, I got to kill you.

492
00:26:37,204 --> 00:26:38,214
Argh!

493
00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:54,571
Oh. Okay!

494
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,663
Look, I really wanna
thank you guys.

495
00:26:56,702 --> 00:26:59,532
You are a great audience.
Thank you very much for coming out.

496
00:26:59,574 --> 00:27:02,624
Let me bring my man
out to say good night.

497
00:27:02,664 --> 00:27:04,544
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

498
00:27:04,579 --> 00:27:06,099
Whassup, man?

499
00:27:06,146 --> 00:27:08,276
Thanks for coming out.
God bless you. Good night.

500
00:27:08,322 --> 00:27:10,372
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING][MUSIC PLAYING]

501
00:27:10,422 --> 00:27:14,972
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